Look Inside: Chapter 3

Motivation. What is it really? Motivation is described as the cause of a person’s action, their WHY. It is said we move in the direction of our currently dominant thought. What are you thinking?

When you lay awake at night awaiting sleep, what goes through your mind? Is your dominate thought about debt, responsibility, or an upcoming challenge? If so, then change it. Make your dominate thought a positive goal or big dream. Positive preparation before sleep primes positive thinking and creativity.

Motivation is made up of so many little things, little qualities like little chunks of wishes. Are you motivated?
If so, write in your Source Book what your motivators are and what you are motivated in.

I bet that question took a second read, a minute to ponder and think. What am I motivated in or toward? It’s a hard question that needs serious consideration. Yet, as soon as you answer the question about what you are motivated in or toward,
you must ask yourself why? Why are you motivated toward this particular thing or destination? What is your driving force?

If you aren’t motivated toward something or some destination, then you have to ask yourself why not? Does this illuminate how important motivation is to our overall foundation, our overall self-worth, or even the overall structure of our self-image? If we aren’t motivated toward something are we stagnating?

Realistically, some type of motivation is at work throughout our day, although it may be minor, mundane, or even damaging. The alcoholic works through the day to get to the next drink. The smoker watches the clock until break time to get a drag off a cigarette. The student crawls out of bed to attend a class that she may or may not be prepared for, but one which she must attend to receive a grade.
Each of these actions has a motivator, something to be accomplished and a reason behind it.

But consider this. How much more satisfying would it be to be thankful you have a job to go to, a school to attend, or the ability to take a break. Ask yourself that question again.

What are you motivated toward? Is it your deepest desire or even a far-fetched dream? Is it a pay raise? A good grade? A warm embrace? These are all valid motivators.

We can have many motivators and many mini-goals and many separate little dreams that require different paths, different materials, and yes, different motivators.

Are you going from day to day without purpose?

Can you account for your day with a meaningful accomplishment somewhere within those 24 hours? If not, what do you need motivation in?

What are some small steps you can you start with so the whole motivation thing isn’t so big?

3:2 Motivation and Change

Sometimes, it’s like getting back into exercise. Starting something is difficult, especially when that something is motivation itself. But you can do it.

I know you can.

Think about something you want to get motivated about. The typical ones are job, exercise, and eating healthy, but I am going to use be a better parent or animal owner as an example. If you’re not a parent or an animal owner, then skew this example to reflect something you can identify with.

I want to become a better parent/animal owner (hereafter known as P/A). This doesn’t mean I lump children and animals
as the same obligation or source of joy. But as a parent and an animal owner, there are enough similarities here for our purpose. First, I would first look at what I presently do as a P/A.

Do I feed them healthy food at the proper times?
Are they and their environment kept clean?
Do they receive enough exercise?
Am I involved in their education or training?
When I speak, is my tone pleasant? Does it convey care, love, and respect?
When they require corrective action or punishment is it fair, just, and timely? Is it non-abusive and non-damaging?
Do I ensure they are protected against the elements?
Do I ensure they receive regular check-ups and immunizations?
Have I made a memory with them today?

After asking myself all the applicable questions above, then I would ask myself, “Do I know why I want to be a better P/A?”
If any of these answers are no, then I would want to be motivated to change. What could I do? Some actions I could take (and have taken) to become a better P/A are listed here.

(MY EXAMPLE)
During the school year I make time every day to talk with my son about his day. I find out what he did in class, what his homework is, (review his homework), what his upcoming assignments are, talk about specific lessons, what he had for lunch, how his friends are, and so forth. Granted, these are usually Q-A-Q-A-Q-A and not too deep, but they are a springboard for more in-depth questions when I see the need.

We play a board game, card game, or dice game at least twice a week. We often watch a TV show together 2-3 times a week.

We exchange hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and I love you throughout the day.

We eat at least one meal together daily and almost always dinner.

He has chores and a small allowance so I nag him daily (mostly in a good way.)

Once in a while he’ll get involved in meal preparation with me or dad and that is always fun.

When he was younger, I’d have lunch with him at his school a few times a month.

Nothing I wrote here is earth-shattering or new insight. There is nothing especially unusual in my efforts. But I’ll tell you something; I’ve heard the average amount of time a parent spends talking with their child is SEVEN minutes a day cumulatively. I’m sure I can make more time in my schedule for my child than seven minutes! If I allowed my son (I know because my girls did it) to come home from school and go to his room, I wouldn’t see him until he came to the kitchen to forage for food or he went out the front door to play.

It takes motivation and effort to have a relationship with children, with pets, and with adults.

As the children get older, it’s even more difficult to capture their attention and their time.

The relationship cultivated early remains fruitful longer, especially with tending. If you are reading this and feel like you’ve been punched in the chest because you don’t have that relationship with your child, don’t fret. It is never too late to start; it is just more difficult.

Picture the relationship as a garden. There are overgrown weeds (needs), surface roots (hurts not mended, bad habits),
and bare spots (questions, curiosities, desires.) With attention, a beautiful garden can grow anywhere as long as the gardener has used materials native to the environment. Which means it’s often best to start a relationship by discovering what is there, and what can be used as a foundation, not demanding change and new design at the start.

Use the space in your Source Book to write what you wish to become more motivated about.

3:3 Ways to Get Motivated

These are some of the ways I’ve found to motivate myself:

Think of actions that make you feel good, about yourself, your life, and your surroundings or environment.
Do something every day (or multiple times during the day) to make you feel motivated, invigorated, or happy.
Let go of any choke-hold the past has on you. If you’ve had failure before, it doesn’t mean you’ll fail every time.
If you’ve done a wrong that you can’t right, apologize sincerely. If the person you’ve wronged is not able to receive your apology,
pray for forgiveness. If someone has done you wrong, forgive them completely. Let them know you have forgiven them whole-heartedly,
or know in your heart you have.
Immediately stop doing actions you know are wrong. It is impossible to liberate motivation within when guilt is your cloak.
Whether it is a wrong to your body (smoking, drugs), or a wrong to another person, find a way to stop.
Heal your body and your spirit.
Learn from your mistakes, remember your successes (even the small ones), and seek new goals or milestones.
Dream and dream big. Be excited about your dreams and write them down. Writing down your dreams adds validity, and you can read
them or recite them everyday.
Appreciate your surroundings. Do you have yucky surroundings? Find something to appreciate.
Care for those whose lives you touch. Tell or show them you care in positive, frequent ways.
Smile.
Laugh.
Contact others you care about and that care about you. Keep in touch.
Be a friend (but not a doormat or sponge.)
Take a moment and stretch your limbs.
Look for true role models. Many people have overcome challenges to succeed. Learn their stories. They’ll have something
to share with you, or warn you away from. Be careful though.
A true role model doesn’t walk on others to get ahead.
Role models treat living things with respect, without violence and without hostility.
Notice and celebrate the positive steps you’ve taken and changes you’ve made.
Exercise.
Use time wisely. You can never make it up once it’s gone.
Have a safe harbor (place) to go to when things are stressful or hectic. Know it will pass, but if you want it to be different,
it takes the personal courage to change. Find something to love about yourself. Accept you for who you are-flaws and all.
If you have a tried and true method of self-motivation, use it. It (motivation) is not like a paper towel. When it works, use it and re-use it.
Use the exercise at the end of Chapter 2 to relieve stress.
Add your motivating factors in your Source Book.

3:4 Keys to Motivation

Remember. A key to motivation is to:

Focus on your desire (the desire must be yours.) Why? If you are doing something for say ... your husband (like losing weight), and he doesn’t notice, then what? You’re crushed. But if you are losing weight because you’ll feel better, have more energy, and alleviate some possible health concerns, then you are on the right track. It is your desire to make yourself healthier. The happy
husband is just an added bonus.
Focus on the success, not the failure. Why? Let’s look at the diet. You are focused on losing weight. You post pictures of skinny people, negative posters, such as “You’re fat. Don’t eat that nasty stuff!”

What happens? Your mind doesn’t process “don’t.” For example, if I were to say, “Don’t think of pink elephants.”
What would you think of, why pink elephants, of course. Or, if you had a slice of cake in front of you, and someone said,
“Don’t eat that cake.” What do you want? That cake.

Another example of a way to look at things positively or in a different focus is to focus on the success of your improved eating habits. A diet means restriction and denial. Consider telling yourself you are learning to eat healthier and take better care of your body instead of
saying, “I’m going on a diet.”

As an example, when focusing on the success of your improved eating habits you’ll focus on your clothes fitting better, the improved movement of your limbs, the breath you still have after climbing stairs. You’ll find you are more positive in mind and more likely to continue with the improved habits.
Habits = change. When you continually and repeatedly do something, you are making a lifestyle change. Let’s do it for the good.

Focus on the “why” to stay on purpose. Why? To make a lifestyle change, a thought process change, or an image change – the purpose, the reason – the WHY must stay in sight. Lose sight of the why – and you’ll go off track. A perfect tool for remembering your “WHY” is a “My Options Reminder” or M.O.R.
Purposely say: I want to … I can … I will …

Visualize: Doing what you want, doing what you can, doing what you will, and visualize achieving your goal.

Replace fear motivation with desire motivation. Get the complete details of what you want and what you strive for. It adds to the visualization process. Make your desire your dominant thought. What are your current desires?

Visualize what you want and write the details in your Source Book.

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